Tuesday, 15 March 2011

the importance of being earnest

This morning, at 1:57pm, after opening my beady little eyes I did what I usually do. I came online, I checked my facebook to see how many people love me, I checked my twitter to see if anyone cared about anything that I've said (they didn't for what it's worth), and then I checked the top 3 news articles from around the world. I will now share these with you in the order in which i read them.
(America)CNN news: Experts say: power outage is the greatest threat to our nuclear power plants.
yes, it would seem that all it would take to destroy America is an illegal immigrant named Lopez carrying a mop bucket at 3:30am listening to his Ricky Martin cassette tape to trip one of his goofy Mexican feet over the power plug and not notice. Suddenly everyone looks like the melting guy at the end of Robocop because the power went out.
Seriously though, I know what they mean. I read the article. If the planet treated America like it was a great big Japan and natural disastered the fuck out of them (and us, i guess) There would be no way to cool our unnatural, why-the-fuck-does-it-even-exist-anyway, nuclear soup and everyone would get radiation poisoning and die. Pretty heavy. Maybe we should stop fucking with things like nuclear power, and shit like this wouldn't be imminent.
(Canada)CBC news: Communication error led to C-NLOPB confusion
Also can be read as: Canadians are still stupid as fuck. I guess some important guy made some lady the new head honcho of the petroleum board and didn't tell anyone. Not even her. Fuck, we're awesome up north, aren't we? we can't even give people jobs without fucking it up. This is our top news report according to CBC today, too!. wow, we're really incredible.
(UK) the Sun: couple's vase sells for  £192,000!!
Yep, that's what the UK cares about today. I was going to pick the miracle baby that was found in the mud under a house in Japan, but then i read this soul-touching tale. Fuck, i can't believe the whole world wasn't interested! how is this only British news?! the entire world seems to be falling apart, at least these people are making the most of it. I'm going to see how much money I can get for this empty jar of peanut butter on amazon's UK site. 8,000 dollars, here I come!

So there we have it!! America is pretty sure at this point that if they lose power, everyone will melt like Becel margarine. You won't believe they're not butter!
Canada is retarded as per usual eh? at least we have roll up the rim right now at Tim's.
Britain loves spending too much money on flower pots so much that it made headlining news.
What a wonderful world we live in. Japan is already second page news world-wide and they received a 6.0 aftershock today while these cunts were trading vases in the UK and Canadians were walking around drooling and tripping on their shoe laces saying please, thank you, and excuse me every 5 seconds whether they needed to or not.
I'm buying a gun.

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