Tuesday, 15 March 2011

the importance of being earnest

This morning, at 1:57pm, after opening my beady little eyes I did what I usually do. I came online, I checked my facebook to see how many people love me, I checked my twitter to see if anyone cared about anything that I've said (they didn't for what it's worth), and then I checked the top 3 news articles from around the world. I will now share these with you in the order in which i read them.
(America)CNN news: Experts say: power outage is the greatest threat to our nuclear power plants.
yes, it would seem that all it would take to destroy America is an illegal immigrant named Lopez carrying a mop bucket at 3:30am listening to his Ricky Martin cassette tape to trip one of his goofy Mexican feet over the power plug and not notice. Suddenly everyone looks like the melting guy at the end of Robocop because the power went out.
Seriously though, I know what they mean. I read the article. If the planet treated America like it was a great big Japan and natural disastered the fuck out of them (and us, i guess) There would be no way to cool our unnatural, why-the-fuck-does-it-even-exist-anyway, nuclear soup and everyone would get radiation poisoning and die. Pretty heavy. Maybe we should stop fucking with things like nuclear power, and shit like this wouldn't be imminent.
(Canada)CBC news: Communication error led to C-NLOPB confusion
Also can be read as: Canadians are still stupid as fuck. I guess some important guy made some lady the new head honcho of the petroleum board and didn't tell anyone. Not even her. Fuck, we're awesome up north, aren't we? we can't even give people jobs without fucking it up. This is our top news report according to CBC today, too!. wow, we're really incredible.
(UK) the Sun: couple's vase sells for  £192,000!!
Yep, that's what the UK cares about today. I was going to pick the miracle baby that was found in the mud under a house in Japan, but then i read this soul-touching tale. Fuck, i can't believe the whole world wasn't interested! how is this only British news?! the entire world seems to be falling apart, at least these people are making the most of it. I'm going to see how much money I can get for this empty jar of peanut butter on amazon's UK site. 8,000 dollars, here I come!

So there we have it!! America is pretty sure at this point that if they lose power, everyone will melt like Becel margarine. You won't believe they're not butter!
Canada is retarded as per usual eh? at least we have roll up the rim right now at Tim's.
Britain loves spending too much money on flower pots so much that it made headlining news.
What a wonderful world we live in. Japan is already second page news world-wide and they received a 6.0 aftershock today while these cunts were trading vases in the UK and Canadians were walking around drooling and tripping on their shoe laces saying please, thank you, and excuse me every 5 seconds whether they needed to or not.
I'm buying a gun.

Friday, 11 March 2011

Time to pretend.

remember that time there was earthquakes and typhoons in Japan and I won a free coffee at Tim Horton's? Fuck, that was sweet.
Nobody cares about Japanese people, there I said it. Why are we pretending to now? we've let the Japanese starve since the 1980s, knowing full well that they needed someone's help and that all they had to eat was shitty rice and shitty fucking noodles in filthy water. Suddenly the ground shakes a little and we're like "oh goodness, a billion kids are stuck in schools. they might die!" good thing there's a hundred and seventy five billion other ones just walking around dirty, shitty shanty-towns doing noting but starving and complaining in a language that I don't understand all day. Maybe now there will be room for them to have a shot at being in a classroom for a while. If there's one thing that Japan needs, it's population control. There's more people in that country than there are ants for fuck sakes.
I have an idea, why don't we move them all to Canada? That seems to be our character in this puppet show called civilization. Country swarming with rebel factions? come to Canada and join the police force. Country only employs people in the illegal drug industry? come to Canada and be a pharmacist. Just geting bored of being a neurosurgeon or a nuclear physicist? come to Canada and try being a convenience store clerk for a while instead. Tsunamis and earth quakes killing thousands by the minute? might as well come to Canada. That's all I'm saying.
at any rate, I think everyone just needs to shut the fuck up and stop trying to look like a compassionate person, because I don't think you actually care at all. Turn off the news and go for a walk or something. I didn't see any of you say a word about Christchruch New Zealand on February 22 (seventeen days ago) where 300+ people died in a vicious earthquake.
I'm going to go cash in my free coffee and then litter instead of throwing the cup in the trash can like you all do every day. Funny how it's only a tradgedy when it's the planet that destroying the planet and not the Human parasites slowly consuming it like mould on a piece of rye bread.
Ignorance is bliss, kids, and I have a charming smile.

This is what New Zeland looked like 17 days ago while you were not giving a fuck.